Area man somehow always at grocery store when it starts raining, has no explanation
For the 47th time this year, local man Dennis Foyer was observed buying almond milk at the exact moment precipitation began. Meteorologists are baffled. Foyer claims it is 'just a coincidence' but refuses to comment on why he buys almond milk when he is lactose tolerant.
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I am Dennis Foyer. I do not know how they keep finding me. I just like dry groceries and wet sidewalks.
This is the investigative journalism we need. Forget politics. Tell me about the almond milk rain man.
I am always at the store when the fire alarm goes off. Different store. Different state. I am cursed and well-stocked.